Weed Rules, Regulations, Moves, and Fouls

News Update:

01-18-02: Weed Guide 2.0 is currently under construction. It is only a matter of time before it's debut. I promise you won't be disappointed. If you would like to be notified of the release of Weed Guide 2.0, please e-mail me and I will send a mass mail the day it comes out. That's it for now, thanks for reading the weed guide, keep toking and please take some time to check out...

How I Got My Bong Signed by Cypress Hill


V1.7


New for 1.7: Three moves added by me, two new moves submitted. Testing for 2.0, see plant-hugger (move #8).

New for 1.6: Two new moves added, more typos debugged, feedback request published, see bottom.

New for 1.5: Spelling and typos somewhat debugged, hit counter added.

New for 1.4: HTML Debugging, new moves added. Bong signed by Cypress Hill!

New for 1.3: Great forgotten move added, epilogue now included, more spelling and grammar errors corrected. Best version yet! Hi Krysta!

New for 1.2: New Moves added, older moves updated.

New for 1.1: Revisions and corrections on some moves and rules. Spelling, and grammatical errors semi-debugged.

Written by Viperware@aol.com

Rules:

  1. Whoever supplies the doobage for the session gets the first load.

  2. Weed is generally passed in a clockwise rotation. However if the unanimous decision is made that the weed be passed in a counter-clockwise rotation before the session starts, that too is ok. Note: You cannot change the direction of the rotation in mid-session.

  3. Whoever supplies the doobage also gets to choose the music. If the supplier does not want to choose the music, he can designate someone else to be the Maestro for the session.

  4. If you get a new bag of weed, you must change the water in your smoking device before you smoke any of the new doobage. Having foul water can contaminate the flavor of the weed. This rule isnít crucial for amateur weed smokers but for pro-style smoking, it is mandatory.

  5. If someone smokes you out with some of their weed, regardless of the quality, you must sometime in the future smoke them out with some of your weed, regardless of quality. Donít be stingy with your weed. What goes around comes around, donít worry, everything comes out even in the end.

  6. Thou shalt not turn down a toke ever. Unless of course the consequences of that toke are greater than the benefits. I.E. "If you smoke that, youíre not getting any tonight."

  7. Donít put your lips on the joint! There is a way to smoke a joint without it touching your lips. And when a joint gets "lipped" it is basically ruined. See moves to learn how to smoke a joint without it touching your lips.

  8. When you toke on a joint, itís puff-puff-give, donít toke too much, no more than 1/8 of the joint. Any professional style smoker could put away half a joint in one hit, but they donít out of courtesy. Show a little professionalism.

  9. If the bowl gets clogged, usually the person it clogged on pokes it, unless of course you have a designated bong technician. This person will change the water, poke the bowl and pack the bowl. This person usually knows whose hit is next. Also, if the bowl clogs on you, you get automatic recompensation hits. This means, you get a free retry because of the previously faulty bonghit.

  10. If you break someoneís bong you have to buy them a new one. This is the same for pipes, bubblers and anything else used for toking. It doesnít have to be the same bong, itís usually better to get them something different to start a new dynasty.

  11. There are two versions of rule 11. Pro-Style and amateur. Weíll start with amateur.
  1. After you have taken your toke off of a bowl of weed and you think there might not be enough herb left for another hit, you must notify the next person in the rotation of the possible cashedness of the bowl. A good warning would be: "Here ya go, I think it might be cashed."

  2. Only pack what you can smoke. There is no reason to smoke brown half-cashed bud. The only weed you want to smoke is green. If your original packing wasnít enough and you have some lung left, you can grab a little more greens and smoke that in a continuous hit. You cannot however finish a hit and say it wasnít big enough and expect recompensations. All bongload additions must be performed before or during your bonghit. If what you packed was too much, and there is a little bit of browns left on the rim of the bowl, you should cash that after you exhale your original hit.
  1. Donít steal someoneís lighter. Always know what lighters you came with. If you do accidentally pocket someoneís lighter, make a mental note to bring it back to them. Youíll make more friends that way.

  2. If you like the way someone took a bonghit, let them know. Examples of nice things to say to people after they have successfully ripped a good looking bonghit are: "Hey, good form dude!" or "Nice utilization!" or "Hey, that was a great bonghit!" People like bonghit feedback, and you will too after you get some yourself.

  3. If you see someone doing something wrong, tell them which rule they are violating. And if they give lip saying something like "just let me smoke weed." Whip out the rules and say "if youíre gonna smoke weed, you might as well do it right." If you donít tell them theyíre doing something wrong, there will be no one else there to tell them, and they will continue to do it wrong.

  4. If you spill the bongwater, you must clean it up immediately. This situation can be compared to a small fire. The longer you leave it alone, the more damage itís going to do. The best way to clean up spilled bongwater is to immediately get a bath towel and put it on the affected area. Then step on the towel thoroughly to soak up most of the water. After itís fairly dry, you still gotta deal with the smell. The best way to resolve this problem is grabbing a dryer sheet from the laundry room and rubbing it into the affected area on the carpet. This actually makes the carpet smell better than it did before you spilled the bong ;o]

  5. He who rolls the joint gets to spark it up. Itís kinda like the guy who owns the cruise ship gets to smash the bottle of champagne against the hull.

  6. If you canít light your own bowl because you are just too stoned, or youíre just a retard, you must relinquish the lighter to someone who can get the job done. It is also suggested that you relinquish the lighter in like situations such as, you trying to hit a really tall bong. Sometimes itís just the way the bong is built that makes you unable to light the bowl.

  7. If you go to someoneís house to sessionize, it is common practice that you pack them a hospitality bowl. This bowl however does not have to come before your inaugural hit, as applied in rule #1.

  8. Munchies and Drinks must be shared. Everyone likes to grub a little while stoned. And cotton mouth sucks.

  9. Variation of rule #19. If you take a sip of someoneís drink, donít take a massive gulp.
Moves and Fouls:
  1. The Joe Dobrelecki: This is when you cough into the bong while toking and cause the weed to get soaked with bongwater, blow the weed right out of the bowl, blow the whole bowl out of the downstem, or make water shoot out of the bowl or the downstem. It doesnít matter what you are toking, if you accidentally blow into a toking device, itís called a Joe Dobrelecki. You may also say Joe Dobrlucky.

  2. Intentional Joe Dobrelecki: This only occurs in 2 occasions. Number one, is when you are smoking a bong with ice, and the ice melts to the point where there is too much water in the bong, you must then intentionally dispose of the excess bongwater by blowing into the bong. The only other time this move is performed is if someone filled the bong too high to begin with at which point you must intentionally Joe Dobrelecki before the start of the session. You can also call this move by itís more commonly used abbreviation, IJD.

  3. The Snorkel: The snorkel is simply when you clear a bong too hard and the water splashes up to your lips and you end up drinking a bit of bongwater.

  4. The Stalemate: If you smoke a bong and fail to clear all the smoke out of the chamber, and also neglect to chimney sweep it after you are finished, you have stalemated.

  5. The Chimney Sweep: This move is performed when there is leftover stale smoke left in the chamber of a bong, commonly known as a stalemate. To dismiss this problem you will perform the chimney sweep by removing the bowl and blowing into the downstem forcing air and the stale smoke up and out of the tube.

  6. California Style: California style is performed by holding the bong in your left fingertips pointing straight down, and holding the lighter pinched in your right palm between the pad of your thumb and the side of the middle segment of your middle finger, while operating the spark wheel with your index finger pad. The right palm is to remain upward as you point the flame into the bowl.

  7. The Stance: The stance is performed by bending your left knee at a 45-60 degree angle with your left foot in front of you and your right leg extended and straight behind you. You must lean forward, keep your shoulders square in front of you, and keep both feet flat on the ground pointing forward while you toke, to perform this move correctly. A commonly performed maneuver in this situation would be to combine california style with the stance. These two moves blend together nicely.

  8. The Plant Hugger: The plant hugger is a variation of the stance/california style combo. This move is commonly performed on house plants but has been known to be done successfully outdoors as well. In order to do this move you need to put yourself in the stance while prepared to toke the bong california style. You then hook your arms around the plant and toke. To add style, you can have some branches or leaves of the plant drape over the bong. This gives a more nature-like affect and gives the plant a little more involvement in the maneuver.

  9. The Sidewinder: This move is done by placing only one side of your lips on the bong. You toke the load normally with one half of your lips, but instead of exhaling normally, leave your lips on the bong and blow the smoke out of the side of your mouth that is not on the bong. Practice this with no weed in the bowl before you try it for real. You donít want to risk pulling a Joe Dobrlucky just for a sidewinder. This move is more impressive in amateur style smoking situations where the smoke can be toked and valved out by the sidewinder intermittently during a single hit.

  10. The Shotgun: This is when you clear the bong fast and hard.

  11. Skyscraper Style: Warning!!! This move is for professionals only. Skyscraper style bonghits cannot be performed without chronic weed. Skank weed will not suffice in this situation. First you need a nug of weed shaped like an oval. Basically, an elongated round ball shaped nug of weed. You must place the weed in the bowl to make it look like it is standing in the middle like a skyscraper. Make sure there is room all around the bowl for the flame to reach the bottom of the weed. Next you must hold the lighter next to the bowl and suck at a high rate of toke speed, almost twice as fast as the rate you would normally toke at. You must hookshot the flame over the rim of the bowl bypassing the top of the nug and burning the lower portion of the weed only. Rotate the lighter around the bowl to burn the bottom half of the nug at all 360 degrees. Once you feel the bottom half is sufficiently burned, you move the flame to the fresh greens on top and complete the bonghit as you normally would. This method burns twice as much green surface area than any other type of bonghit. This may be the most efficient way to smoke weed. Remember, this move heeds a warning, so be careful, you may get stoned to a level previously thought unfathomable.

  12. Dave Monacelli Style: To perform this move all that has to be done is the constant placement of the bong on the floor or ground. You cannot touch the bong with your hands during the toke, you may use them to pull the bowl, but the significance of this stunt comes with the bongs ability to freestand during the hit. After the hit is completed you may move the bong with your hands.

  13. Pulling a Bert: All that needs to be done to successfully pull a Bert is to accidentally drop your cigarette or joint on the ground. Since both actions are frequently performed by "Bert", any variation of this action can be considered a Bert.

  14. The Noach: Ahhh the noach, I almost forgot. This move was picked up by our good friend B-Dub (a.k.a. our bong techinician) on a cross country trip from arizona to florida. While in louisiana, good olí B-Dub hooked up with some ghetto homies near the motel he was staying at and was introduced to the noach. Enough about the history, hereís how itís done. With a joint that has been burning for a decent amount of time, blow the ash off the end and put the joint in your mouth cherry side in. Be careful not to burn your lips or your tongue on it and make sure your lips are dry so you donít lip the joint. Now, with the cherry in your mouth and the smoking end sticking out your mouth, blow air through the joint. A rocketstream of smoke will shoot out the toking end. This is when the person hitting the noach should either hold one nostril shut and snort the high speed smoke through their other nostril or suck hard through their mouth. The nasally inducted noach is more powerful, but the move can also be performed with the mouth at a less efficient rate.

  15. Anti-Gravity Bonghits: This move is great, and to my knowledge has only been performed a few times and on three occasions. This move is similar to a kegstand, instead of hitting the keg you are hitting the bong. To pull this one off, you must do a handstand against a wall and be looking straight down into the bong. You can use any size bong for this maneuver, you will just have to lean it accordingly for the bong to reach your mouth. Ok, so youíre in a handstand with your feet high against the wall and your lips on the bong. Someone will now light the bowl and you will toke, vertically. It is a good idea to designate a signal system so the bowl lighter knows when to light the bowl and yank the bowl. You will cash the bonghit at which point the bong will be removed from your vicinity and the weed will take itís affect. After holding the weed in for a significant amount of time, exhale and reap the rewards. This move is not finished until you exhale the bonghit. If you relinquish from the handstand before you exhale, the move has been failed. After exhaling, it is a good idea to lay down because there is a great chance you will experience dizziness, tunnel-vision, disorientation, and or loss of consciousness. This move is an effective way to receive THC benefits because all your blood is pulled down, out of your legs by gravity and forced into your brain and upper torso organs such as your lungs, therefore saturating a greater volume of your blood with THC, so when the blood returns to the other parts of your body you feel the "body high" effect. This move combined with a skyscraper style bonghit would very likely be the most efficient bowl of weed ever smoked by man. And was just recently performed for the first time ever by me. A variation of this move is the SCAG-B, or the self contained anti gravity bonghit. If you are able to perform an anti-gravity bonghit without assistance, you have just done the SCAG-B. This maneuver is excessively difficult to accomplish because of the fact that the performer must support his body with a one armed handstand against a wall, while still lighting and toking the bongload. This move has also only been performed once, and by me.

  16. Proper Ways to Toke a Joint:
  1. How to toke a joint without it touching your lips: It is really quite simple, all you have to do is hold the joint with your index finger and your thumb so the part you hit is recessed about ľ of the way in your fingers instead of protruding. You then touch your lips to your fingers and suck a carburation of air and weed smoke. You will be able to adjust the air/weed ratio by making a tighter or looser suction against your fingers. This will get small amounts of resin on your fingers but that is inevitable while smoking a joint.

  2. After contemplating personal style I have decided to add this supplement to move 15. You may put you lips on the joint to hit it. However, you must first make sure your lips are dry, and concentrate hard on not letting any saliva make contact with the joint. I have mastered this skill, so my joints never get lipped. An easy way to make your lips dry for a joint hit is to wipe your mouth quick before you hit it. With practice youíll get it down, but if you are worried about lipping the joint, please, refer to 15A.
  1. The B-Bomb: To do the b-bomb you must be sitting around a table. The center of the table must be cleared off. Immediately after ripping and snapping a thick massive hit, direct your mouth so it is pointing straight at the center of the table about 6 inches from the surface. You now exhale the weedsmoke with your mouth making an O shape and blowing slowly to form an upside down mushroom cloud formation on the table surface. If done correctly this move looks great.

  2. The Robert: In order to pull a Robert, you must, in mid-toke, stop toking due to overchronicness, and cover the bong with your chin while you recover.

  3. Dying: It is not hard to die, you have probably died numerous times yourself. In order to "die" all that must be done is, after ripping a mighty bongload or weedhit, it doesnít matter what you toke, you must cough horribly and uncontrollably and fall on the ground and struggle to survive the bonghit. A reputable comment to be made by someone at this point would be, "damn dude, you died." Or if someone purposely packed the deadly bonghit, they might say, "I killed Fahrnum!" where Fahrnum represents the person who has just died. This move can only be performed unintentionally. If someone pretends to die, it doesnít count. Donít worry you will be able to tell the difference.

  4. Disguised Greens: Disguised greens is a trick you play on someone. To perform this, you simply fill the bowl with branches and seeds and put a covering of green shake over the branches and seeds disguising them as greens. When the victim tokes the load they will be surprised with hideous flavor or a seed may pop and detonate the bowl sending it flying.

  5. 100 mph Bong-Hits: To perform 100 mph bonghits you must drive at or over 100 mph while smoking weed. You do not need to be driving to do it, if you are a passenger it also counts, but the car must be going 100 mph or more. Also, it does not have to be bonghits, you can use a pipe or a joint as well, it is still considered 100 mph bonghits. This move is dangerous for many obvious reasons. Number 1, if you are going 100 mph you will probably get pulled over if a cop sees you. And if you are smoking bonghits, the penalty will be greater. And number 2, driving at 100 mph is very dangerous, if you crash you will probably die, and it is very easy to lose control at 100 mph. So make sure you know what youíre doing and use caution when attempting this maneuver.

  6. Linc Style Bonghits: Ahhhh, Linc style bonghits. This move was one of the most recent moves I learned after turning pro. I donít do this style bonghit nearly as many times as I should. To do a Linc style bonghit you must snap the bongload and clear all the smoke in the chamber without removing the slidebowl. This allows the smoke to enter your lungs at the same rate throughout the entire bonghit and therefore saturates a greater surface area of you lungs with THC enriched smoke. The first time I saw this move, it was combined with a Dave Monacelli style bonghit. These two moves blend together perfectly, but the combination is not required to perform the Linc style bonghit successfully.

  7. The Duality of Bong: The duality of bong is perfomred when you have two different types of weed and you pack 50-50 of each weed in a bonghit. This is cool if you have two different weeds that have distinctly different highs and flavors. It's cool to mix herb, it was meant to be done.

  8. The Truality of Bong: The truality of bong is just like the duality of bong except for the fact that you are now dealing with 3 types of weed. Mixing any more than 3 types of weed is simply called a salad bowl. Which is the general term used to describe any bowl with multiple types of weed inside.

  9. Regulation Size: Regulation size bonghits is just the phrase used to describe a bonghit of normal size.

  10. Malregulation Size: This is the phrase used to describe a bonghit that is too small.

  11. 75-75 Bonghits: This is when you pack one nug of weed 75% of the size you would normally smoke and have another one of equal size ready. Snap the first 75% size load, then add the second 75% size load and snap that too. This way you smoke 150% of the amount you would normally smoke.

  12. 150 Bonghits: To take 150 style bonghits, just pack, smoke and snap a nug of weed 150% of the size you would normally smoke.

  13. Animal Style Bonghits: To smoke bonghits animal style, you must toke at least 8 consecutive bonghits one after another ripping the bonghits ruthlessly and aggressively. You may not have recovery breaks between the bonghits.

  14. Dual Lighters: Dual lighters is simply the act of using two lighters at once to smoke the bong. This is commonly performed when a non-regulation bonghit is packed and you need the extra flamage, or when someone is attempting to kill* someone else. It does not matter who holds the lighters for this move. The bonghitter may control both lighters if desired, but on most occasions when this move is performed, someone else is in control of the lighters.
    * see move #18

  15. Trual Lighters: Trual lighters is very simply, the act of using three lighters. I don't think this move is necessary on any occasion, but if you are going down the list, attempting every move, then I guess it does have a purpose ;o]

  16. Dual Bongs: To toke dual bongs you must smoke two packed bongs at once, one on each half of your lips. You do not have to cash the bowls to perform this move successfully, however it would be more impressive.

  17. Solar Bonghits: This is one of the greatest moves ever in my opinion. This move is easiest performed outside, however, if you can get enough direct sunlight inside, that too would be possible. To perform solar bonghits, you must focus the suns image into the smallest dot you can make with a magnifying glass. If you have a high quality magnifying glass, this move will be easier. Direct the dot of magnified sunlight all over the bud, it will burn, but it is difficult to do consistently. With practice you will get better, but the first couple of times it will be very difficult. The easiest way to smoke the bowl would be to get it burning, and make the cherry burn the rest of the bowl. Try different methods, see which is best for you. The reason this move is so great, is due to the fact that there is no butane involved to contaminate the flavor of the weed. Using the suns light to light the bonghit is as close to vaporizing THC as you can get. Plus it's free! If I were in the woods, I'd much rather have a magnifying glass than a lighter to smoke my bonghits.

  18. Dizzy Bong: To perform dizzy bong style bonghits, you will do something similar to the dizzy bat game you used to play as a youngin'. Just put the bong on the ground as if you were to pull a Dave Monacelli style bonghit. For this move however, you can use your hands to steady the bong. Now, standing in front of the bong, light the bowl, and start rotating around the bong. You only need to do one revolution around the bong to successfully accomplish this maneuver, but the more revolutions you do, the more impressive the move becomes.

  19. Cheechin' It Style Bonghits: To take bonghits Cheech Style, what you must do is first, perform dual lighters on a bowl of weed, then hold the bonghit in for at least 25 seconds.
    Submitted by LiGhTuP 69

  20. Chongin' It Style: In order to Chong it, you must attempt to cheech it and accidentaly cough and die, if you chong 3 cheech hits in one session, you are kicked out until the next session starts.
    Submitted by LiGhTuP 69



Epilogue: The Linc style bonghit move taught me a lot about weed smoking efficiency. It made me think of skyscraper style bonghits and I realized that weed smoking is all about surface area. The more surface area of weed smoke you can produce, and the more surface area of your lungs you can cover with weedsmoke, then you will be that much more high. Think about it, if you smoke a huge dense bonghit, and blow out a massive plume of smoke, sure you ripped a big load, but youíre wasting valuable THC. Only the outside of the dense smoke was absorbed into your lungs, the rest of the THC saturated smoke just sits in the void of your lungs waiting to be exhumed. And when you do exhale, the neglected THC dissipates into the air. Now, imagine a skyscraper style bonghit combined with a Linc style bonghit. A much less dense stream of smoke steadily entering every orifice in your lungs, until you have used up all your lung capacity. Now all the smoke in your lungs is spread out perfectly even, and at the same density. More THC will be absorbed therefore you will get higher. Also, the longer you hold it in, you will receive even more THC because your heart has time to pump new blood into you lungs air sacs, and new unsaturated blood will now become enriched with THC. Think of your lungs as a bus stop, the THC as the passengers, and your blood as the bus line. You want to load as many passengers onto each bus and get as many busses through the bus stop as possible while the passengers are still there. The more passengers the bus line moves, the more success that bus line will have with the act of moving passengers. The sooner this makes perfect sense to you, the sooner you will turn pro.

Thatís all the info for version 1.7, if you have done something while smoking weed that is not on this list, it probably has a name I just forgot to include it. So if you have anything not on this list, e-mail me at viperware@aol.com and Iíll let you know if it exists or if you are the creator of a new move. At which point you will get the honor of naming it, and have your name posted as the creator of the new move.


Feedback Request: I love hearing what people think about the weed guide. if you have a question or comment, please, don't hesitate to e-mail me. I am currently working on version 2.0. What makes 2.0 different will be the addition of pictures. Some moves are difficult to picture with just words, so for the more challenging moves, I will post pictures of them in action. What would be even greater, is pictures of you, the reader, performing the moves. I will gladly post your picture of the move. So tell your friends about the weed guide, send those pictures, and keep tokin'! P.S. Check How I Got My Bong Signed by Cypress Hill!
-PauL-


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